The Second Great Commandment
To introduce my topic, I am going to tell you two stories. See if you can spot what they have in common! The first is from Elder Packard when he served as a mission president.
The Assistant
“I needed a new assistant and prayed much about the matter. I called zone conferences where I interviewed every missionary, always with the thought, “Is this the man?” The answer finally came, and he was appointed. He had come on a mission only after considerable shaping up to become eligible.
After the announcement one of the zone leaders came to see me. He came from the same community as the new assistant. He was obviously disturbed and asked, “Do you really know the elder you have appointed as your assistant?”
“Yes, Elder. I know all that you know, and a good deal more.”
“Why, then, was he appointed your assistant?”
I pondered for a moment and then said, “Elder, why don’t you ask the question that you came to ask?”
“What do you mean?”
“Ask the question that is really on your mind,” I encouraged.
“But I did,” he said.
“No, there is another question. The thing that is on your mind is not ‘Why did you appoint him as your assistant’; it is ‘Why did you not appoint me, and I have to answer, ‘I do not know, Elder.’ I only know he is the one the office needs at the moment.”
The Mother
The second story comes from Sister Janet Lee, wife of BYU president, Rex Lee. She said:
“I remember sitting as a family in a sacrament meeting where a talented family performed a beautiful musical number. Each instrument was exquisitely played, creating an atmosphere of truly celestial music. At first, I listened attentively, but soon a part of me became distracted.
What kind of mother am I? I should have made our children practice more. Then, glancing at my row of children, I thought: Don’t kid yourself—our gene pool just didn’t produce great musicians. I supposed we could polish the piano keys, carry the instrument
cases, or even wheel in the harp. But at that moment, I felt we were among the lowly, and this musical family was surely several rungs up the celestial staircase.”
Do you know what these two stories have in common? One word--Comparisons. The zone leader compared himself to the office assistant. Sister Lee compared her untalented musical kids to another family.
Second Commandment
The problem with comparisons is that they stop us from fully living the second great commandment, to “love thy neighbor as thyself.” I believe loving your neighbor as yourself means you look them straight in the eye—you aren’t looking down at them because you are better than them, as in Elder Packard’s story and you aren’t looking up at them because you’ve put them on a pedestal, as in Sister Lee’s story. You and your neighbor are both valued and worthy of love.
“When we compare ourselves to others, there can be only two results:
The first is we will see ourselves as better than others and become judgmental and critical of them - or we will see ourselves as less than others and become anxious, self-critical, and discouraged.”
Age Old Problem
Yet, comparisons are an age-old problem. Even long-ago disciples such as Mary fell prey, saying “Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone?” (Luke 10:40)
And Peter, when comparing his own assignment with John’s asked Jesus, “And what shall this man do?” (John 21:21) The Savior warns against comparisons when he responded, “If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? Follow thou me.” (John 21:22).
Modern Day Problem
Comparisons persist as a modern-day problem--perhaps even intensified because we get to add the influence of technology and social media where accomplishments, and the world’s definition of success blare before us and lead the way to competition and comparison.
Elder Uchtdorf said: “At its core, pride is a sin of comparison.” It includes the “great sin of self-elevation. . . leading some to revel in their own perceived accomplishments” while for others “pride turns to envy.”
In a BYU speech entitled, Wrestling with Comparisons, J.B. Haws said:
“This tendency to compare is something that I think about all the time because I do it all the time. It’s like saying I breathe all the time. It just happens without me thinking about it. It can almost feel reflexive—almost natural. That is why it is so vexatious.”
Theodore Roosevelt summarized all of this by simply saying, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
So how do we stop this age old and modern day vexatious, prideful, thief of joy?
How Do We Stop Comparing?
May I offer three suggestions that can help us be comparison free?
1. Run your race.
2. Cheer like Marshall.
3. Create your chandelier.
1. Run Your Race
Let’s go back to Elder Packard’s story. At the conclusion of his discussion with that Elder he gives this advice:
“His call is no reflection on you. Do not be injured by it. Go back to work and serve the Lord. Your contest is not with him but with yourself.”
This then, is the first thing to remember when we get caught in the comparison trap: “Your contest is not with anyone else, but with yourself.”
Middle School Track
When I was in middle school, the P.E. curriculum included track and field. We ran races. I hated to compete because I never won; other girls always ran faster. Nevertheless, day after day I dressed in my blue P.E. uniform and stood behind the starting line with all the other girls. The school track team never recruited me; but at the End of the Year Assembly, in front of all my peers, my teacher awarded me a Certificate of Achievement in Physical Education.
“Why me?” I asked my teacher. “I never came in first.”
“You beat your own time,” she explained, “you kept getting better.”
Just as I had my own lane and my own race in middle school, we each have our own purpose and our own mission in life.
Sister Michelle Craig said:
“You have a divine nature and purpose uniquely suited to you. There will always be someone who looks like they have everything together or are more important than we are. But we often forget that their purpose is different from our purpose.”
Elder Neal Maxwell said, “I believe because God loves us . . . He will customize the curriculum for each of us in order to teach us the things we most need to know.”
Our unique talents, abilities, circumstances, and challenges put us in a race all our own to fill the measure of our creation.
So, when we see people ahead or behind us in education, careers, health, wealth, status, possessions, popularity, or appearance . . . or in the church where members may be ahead or behind us in leadership, spirituality, gospel knowledge, church service, and righteous families . . . We hear the Savior ask us, just as He asked Peter: “What is that to thee? Follow thou me.” (John 21:22).
2. Cheer like Marshall
The second principle is the direct opposite of pride, which we know is at the heart of comparisons. As we follow the Savior, we strive to emulate His love and remember, as Elder Holland has said: “We are not diminished when someone else is added upon.”
Elder Uchtdorf said:
“So how do we conquer this sin of pride that is so prevalent and so damaging? . . . It is almost impossible to be lifted up in pride when our hearts are filled with charity. No one can assist in this work except he shall be humble and full of love.”
He continues by saying “. . . Humility does not mean convincing ourselves that we are worthless, meaningless, or of little value. We don’t discover humility by thinking less of ourselves; we discover humility by thinking less about ourselves.”
Brother Haws recounts a backyard game of catch with his two oldest boys, Parley and Marshall. He says:
“Parley was five or six years old; Marshall was probably three. I would throw the football to each of them in turn. Parley was catching the football almost every time. Marshall, not so much.
I can see Marshall concentrating, watching the ball—and then missing it every time. No matter how I threw the ball, it seemed like it always hit him on the head as it went right through his hands. Luckily it was a really soft, football.
But here is the thing I will never forget: Marshall cheered, jumped up and down, and squealed in delight every time Parley caught it. I can still hear his little voice yelling, “Good catch, Par!” or “That was great, Par!” And then he would miss the next throw that came to him. But somehow that did not dampen his enthusiasm for Parley’s success.
Somehow, he knew that his contest was not with Parley. He could have joy in Parley’s success.”
C.S. Lewis said:
“If you meet a really humble man you will think . . he seemed a cheerful, intelligent chap who took a real interest in what I said to him. . . . this man will not be thinking about humility: he will not be thinking about himself at all.”
As we run our race, we can strive to find joy in other people’s successes. We can think less about ourselves and cheer like Marshall.
3. Create Your Chandelier
Even as we run our own race and strive to emulate the Savior’s love, we may wonder if we are doing enough.
President Howard W. Hunter taught:
“True greatness comes not from worldly success but from “thousands of little deeds … of service and sacrifice that constitute the giving, or losing, of one’s life for others and for the Lord.”1 . . . True greatness comes from serving in ways that are often unnoticed.”
This is from my journal:
“Larry and I went to the temple a couple of months ago. As I sat in the Celestial Room waiting for Larry, I pondered my life and my worth. I had been working on a project for the kids--going through my journals and pulling out their histories. It was eye-opening to see all the thousands of little things I’d written about over the years.
So many meals--meals for family, meals for ward members, loads of laundry—including the dreaded after scout camp laundry, driving kids, errands for kids, family home evenings, church lessons, church meetings, volunteering at kid’s schools, cleaning the house, cleaning member homes, visiting teaching, homemaking, playing the piano for musical numbers and on and on.
I’ve not done anything on a grand scale that the world or even the church at large would recognize and applaud. But I’ve done thousands of little things that made a difference to someone in my corner of the planet.
As I sat on the couch in the Celestial Room, I looked up at the chandelier hanging above me. It is made of thousands of tiny pieces of clear glass that reflect the light and all of them together make a beautiful, spectacular, celestial room-worthy work of art.
I realized that has been my life. One tiny piece of glass at a time representing one tiny act of service. All the seemingly mundane things, most that go unnoticed, combine as they reflect the light of the Savior, to make a life that is beautiful and is enough.
I felt as if the Lord put his arms around me with this little parable of the chandelier.”
Your chandelier list will be different from mine because your purpose is unique to you. But your list is there for you to see and build upon. Every little deed that serves, teaches, heals, loves, and blesses another person adds up to make your life beautiful.
Second Commandment
In conclusion, let’s circle back to the second great commandment. The problem with comparisons is that they stop us from truly loving ourselves and each other. Loving your neighbor as yourself means you look them straight in the eye—you aren’t looking down at them because you are better than them, and you aren’t looking up at them because you’ve put them on a pedestal. You are both valued and worthy of love.
We each have the divinity within us and the earthly curriculum that allows us to fill the measure of our creation. So instead of comparisons, we gratefully run our own race.
We each can emulate the Savior’s love and humility and celebrate other’s successes.
So instead of comparisons, we cheer like Marshall.
Even as the Savior served, taught, healed, loved, and blessed those in his earthly ministry, we can, in thousands of little ways, do the same.
So instead of comparisons, we build our own parable of the chandelier and feel the Lord’s arms around us.
Sisters and brothers, the Lord lives and loves us. May we love Him with all our “heart, might, mind and strength” (D&C 59:5) and may we love each other knowing He is cheering for us all.